So...at 2:34 am, it will be my birthday. It is the time that I turn 18...and I can never go back.
To really put things straight, my summer has started quite poorly. Although my driving skills are improving and I am realizing how important the value of money is, I've been a bit more suicidal these days. Just thought tendencies, nothing physical...I really could never do that. Partly from the bad breakup, the next because I haven't been able to talk on the phone or see my dad, the other because I might not be able to see my granddad this year, the possibility (never know with these two) of my grandparents divorcing, and the fact I haven't seen Alex since late April.
I'm definitely going to keep my options open and my heart open. I'm not hurt as most think I am, but I'm having a very hard time coping with my emotional issues due to all this havoc in my life and there isn't any support system to latch onto physically here anymore. Good reason to just move and get back in touch with my dad's side of the family. I know I should not wait for Alex, and the thing is...I've noticed how many other guys have noticed me. And it's shocking because I've gained a bit more weight (not really pleasant) but I am holding myself more confidently. I get this feeling that I'm missing a few opportunities here, so maybe I'll see what happens if I meet another guy. I'm single and this is my life, damn it. Plus, Alex can't be a bf, age-wise and generation-wise.
So, this tells me that I might not be able to move out so quickly. I can probably still move in with Alex, but it would more 'friends' than anything. Plus, I need a man who understands my hypersexuality. It isn't easy dealing with this alone. I had for about 5 months, which pulled me into a broken relationship because I couldn't lie to myself no longer.
I'm heading to Six Flags tomorrow with 4 other friends of mine: Martha, Kayla, Brianna, and Chelsie. Chelsie moved in with Kayla and Brianna because her mom was abusive and wouldn't take care of her (sucks doesn't it?). So...it's going to be a loaded car of 3 teenagers, one grandma, and two young adults, since Martha is turning 19 in October and I'll be 18 tomorrow! :D lol I'll be sure to take tons of photos and we'll see what happens. Maybe I'll meet someone new? ;) Well, hope the bigger guys are glad. I'm probably that one rare girl who likes tall, overweight/chubby guys. :P
Sorry, rant is over anyway. lol
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